hard to breathe

I'm a person that holds strongly to the principle of "money is important, but it's not everything". This make sense to the degree of generosity that I display. I've always believed that I don't need any return for what little I can give. Often I wonder, what makes a person reluctant in bringing a little kindness to the atmosphere.

Not really expecting any sort of gratitude is totally opposite of being paid with a negative value. The love that I disperse in time, money, efforts and tears had ripped an opening that allows selfishness to slash me unnoticed. Leaving me panting for the abundant air. Not long after, as the wound began to notice, it's the time I needed to siren for help. Then, abandon casually in the cold corner with shadow as comforter, hatred that I struggled to tame began roaring.

Two months now, I step into the daylight with a new insight. Growth is a standard operating procedure to every human system. The direction of expansion which monitored by causation will in fact distinguished us. With vast number of experiments and trial, being less thoughtful can reduce the possibility of dislike between us.

It's ok if you just take whatever you came for and go rather than coming back to punch me one or two and then turn to leave again. Allowing me to remain in states of shock that will turn into hate eventually.

I'm generous.
Still am.
You can still come and take whatever you want. But this time, it comes with a slight warning, that is I'm not stupid. You come and take from me, then repay with hurt and think that you can return for more. What do you think I am? Some idiot?
Generosity does not equate with stupidity.

This time, I'll wait till you ask, then I'll give. Fair enough?

Ask and it will be given Matt7:7
Dont' ask then I won't give.

I'm not God. I'm Irena. Can't you see?